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Archive for January, 2013

Seven ways to end a relationship

Tuesday, January 29th, 2013

You can always find advice on how to meet girls or guys, you can find advice on how to talk to them and even how to make them fall for you, but what about how to dump them? Right? We’re so focused on how to get in a relationship that sometimes we forget that there might come a time when we want to get out of it. Now you could be a grown up and just have a conversation filled with honesty and respect, but maybe you don’t want to go that route? Maybe the relationship doesn’t warrant that kind of attention? Whatever it is, try one of these techniques the next time you find yourself in a sticky, clingy situation that you want to get out. Just use the seven F’s as your guide.

The Fizzler:
This could also be known as the Fader. Put this technique to use by simply backing away and responding less and less. Do they text you a lot? Stop responding as much and keep your responses short when you do. Make less and less plans until you have finally faded away into a deep dating abyss.

The Fighter:
Wanna make someone dump you? Start picking fights about the smallest things. Get mad when they cut their steak wrong or when their hangers don’t all match up in the closet. Then get a serious case of jealousy that would annoy even the most insecure partners.

The FWB:
Pull away without losing the sex. This one can be tricky, but slowly lessen the time you guys hang out and increase the time you spend sleeping together. Show up with sex toy gifts and nothing else. Use Adam and Eve as your guide and bring nothing but condoms, lube and bondage kits over. Thwart any relationship talk by constantly talking about sex.

The Friend Off:
Make it clear that it isn’t working out by trying to set them up with a friend of yours. Next time you go out, bring along a friend that you think they might actually like or even a friend of yours that is willing to take one for the team. Then proceed to tell your stage five clinger that you think they would really hit it off. They’ll be confused at first, but couple it with the overuse of the word “friend,” and they’ll eventually get it.

The Forgetful:
Annoy them and simultaneously let them know that you don’t care by continuously forgetting things, like your dinner plans, your anniversary or the fact that you already have another girlfriend.

The Flyer:
This action is a little more severe, but perfect if you already had a move planned. Get rid of an annoying partner by moving away. Sure maybe they thought they were coming with you, but just let them know that you’ll be moving on your own and they should come up with some new plans. Stop responding to them the second you move away.

The Fibber:
Start lying about everything and make it really obvious, whether it be about your whereabouts, your job, your friends, or your past relationships. Change your story constantly and make it clear that this person can not trust you. Contrary to popular belief, people don’t like people that seem shady and deceitful.

While these are all funny scenarios, you’re better off just being honest, but for humor sake, what awful and hilarious ways have you ended a relationship?